Margo, Rita & Curtis

Dear Margo, Rita & Curtis,

My mom picked the worst picture ever of me for our holiday card, what do I do?

Sincerely, Mad at Mom

Dear Mad,

Holiday cards have been a source of stress in my household for as long as I can remember. Selecting a picture when we were younger was difficult because in all of our photos someone was either crying (usually me), unclothed (usually me), or had just cut their hair with safety scissors into a mullet (that was actually my sister). As we got older, it was no easier, because what my mom selected as “a cute picture” last year was the reason I insisted she go get her eyes tested. So let’s just say I’m a bit of a veteran in dealing with bad holiday cards and I have some ideas.

1. You need to be proactive. In September, October at the latest, start subtly dropping hints about which picture your mom should choose. The key is to start doing this before your siblings do because if you don’t, the next thing you know your sister looks like a model and you have a double chin.

2. Compromise. If your mom says you’re wearing matching sweaters in the picture this year, do it on one condition: you get to choose which one goes in. That way, even though you look like a Macy’s ad, you avoid looking like the Loch Ness monster.

3. Try to push for the collage. Everyone is happy! Usually your parents will allow each sibling to choose his or her picture, and fist fights among family members over the picture are kept to a minimum.

4. If your mom has already selected the picture and it seems like the end of the world, don’t worry. Every year when I think that our card has to be the worst of all time, someone else’s card comes in with the children wearing matching turtlenecks and holding violins, and I think, “Life’s not so bad.” So moral of the story is that as terrible as your card is, there will be ones that are even more embarrassing—unless you are the kid holding the violin, in which case, good luck to you.

Wishing you a Happy ChristmaKwanzaKah,

Margo, Rita & Curtis