The Late Late Show with Garey, Joe

Over his years at the Academy, Chief of Shipping and Receiving, Garey, Joe has built himself a towering reputation as the no-nonsense guy who processes wave upon wave of entitled kids’ Canada Goose jackets. Now, he has decided to channel his celebrity status into Deerfield’s latest talk show, The Late Late Show with Garey, Joe, which premiered to smashing success on Saturday.

His talk show has quickly overtaken the Academy-sponsored media in the ratings, reflecting a growing preference for the flamboyant, anti-establishment style for which he has become known.

“When I tuned in, I got that tingle I usually get before I pick up my package and it was just great. It’s hard to put the deepness of our connection into words,” one fan told The Scroll. 

The show is simple. Although he describes it as a talk show, Garey, Joe’s show is really just a one-man job, with Garey, Joe as the sole producer, host, and guest. Evoking that signature style, he stares straight at the camera (sometimes for minutes on end before, as he puts it, “the Word just comes to me”), and he cracks jokes to an uproar of student laughter. 

Popular lines on Saturday included “WE STILL HAVE A BLACK SHOWER CADDY AND A BLACK SQUARE FAN NOT CLAIMED. ALSO WE ARE STILL NOT SCANNING ALL AMAZON PACKAGES SO IF YOU HAVE RECEIVED A NOTIFICATION FROM THEM COME AND CHECK WITH US TO SEE IF WE HAVE SOMETHING HERE. BE WELL” and “SO AFTER I SENT OUT THE EMAIL ABOUT NOT COMING UNTIL YOU RECEIVE AN EMAIL FROM US WE DISCOVERED THAT OUR EMAIL SYSTEM HAD NOT BEEN WORKING BECAUSE OF AN UPGRADE TO OUR SOFTWARE SO IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE A PACKAGE PLEASE COME AND CHECK IN WITH US. SORRY FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE AND YOU SHOULD BEGIN TO GET AN EMAIL NOTIFICATION TODAY.”

“He really just speaks to me. He speaks his mind, not like the other talk show hosts,” another student said.